Escapism

I look up into the sky, hearing the plane fly over my head. The same plane has done so almost everyday for the past week and I have had itchy feet for days now. It has come creeping up on me; I’m longing to escape.

If I could just get on a plane somewhere far from myself and land in the mountains everything is going to be fine.

I dream of horses, galloping on fields that are out of reach. I dream of the wind in my hair but the only thing I feel is my itchy feet. Normally this is when I leave.

“Paint some stones”, she tells me and I get what she is saying but we both know that my problem is much deeper than that. I kill the urge to throw a rock back at her to temporarily release the anger and kill the pain.

I’m sorry this is not as pretty as you wish it to be.

I see a picture of you in a plane and I wish we could trade place. You were the pilot of the two of us but I used to leave you for weeks with a one way ticket on my phone with no set plans to return. Because honestly most of the time I would hate you too much to be around you.

I think it went both ways.

How is it possible to hate someone you love so much?

Some people would say that it wasn’t love but we both know that’s not true.

Yet we could not make it last.

I can blame you as much as I can (I can blame you tons) but if it wouldn’t have been you, I would have made sure it was someone else.

 

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